1. prepared breakfast .. chicken/eggs/broccoli (healthy as hell)
2. cleaned storage room (it'll be finished in less than a week)
3. deposit cash at wamu (teller said indymac disaster will not effect their bank cuz they are diversified)
4. worked out (triceps & abs - my abs are prolly better than my highschool years now)
5. wendy's - grilled chicken roll (can be ordered w/o cheese from next time)
6. costco - bought muffins, pecans, peanuts, cranberry juice, yellow lemon cake for store.
7. 7-11 bought lottery ticket.
8. now home, preparing to go to the beach.
9. now, 12pm.

lol my life is so different from 5 years ago. it would have been...
1. woke up
2. watch tv
3. ate lunch

my agoraphobia and panic attacks are virtually gone. everyday i make it a thing to go out.whenever i go buy fast food or go to the bank i make sure i go inside to have human contact. i think my social skills are increasing and my confidence is too.

most of my activities are still done alone, but it's way better than just staying at home scared. i don't care anymore. i'm just gonna be active and enjoy my life as much as i can, with or without anyone. i have friends too, but everyone is working now. we only hang out on weekends couple of times a month.

maybe my next step towards becoming normal is to start asking people out to do stuff. i'm always waiting for stuff to happen instead of being proactive. i can see this type of change in me happening in a couple of months.

i'm gonna go take a dip at the beach, maybe huntington. bye. <33333333

holding on to old items that i will never use is a waste of space.
people usually save things just in case they use them, or for memory's sake.
but, i find that these items never get used.

all the years it's just sitting there, it could have been used by someone who really needs it.
i'm donating everything i never use to goodwill. .

that space could be occupied by something new.
or, just the extra space itself that it provides is more valuable than it just sitting there.
nothing like a clean, spacious room.

out with the old, in with the new.

u know kindness sort of takes care of many problems at once.
by practicing kindness you take out a couple of vices by default like...
hatred, jealousy, abrasiveness, inconsiderateness...
basically all negative human emotions can't exist while you are being kind.
while you are being kind you are being patient, observant, thoughtful and present.

what a great thing - kindness.

if i master kindness, i think a whole new world will open up to me.

Incredible pictures of Mars - and they look surprisingly like some parts of Earth

By
Graham Smith
Last updated at 7:31 PM on 15th July 2008

Scientists have released some of the most detailed photographs of Mars ever taken.

The
pictures, which were snapped from a European Space Agency (ESA) probe,
show a region of the Red Planet called the Echus Chasma.

The
deeply-incised area is a network of valleys that planetary geologists
believe were created by channelling groundwater that once flowed on
Mars' surface.

Enlarge

 

Spectacular: A view of Echus Chasma, one of the largest water source regions on Mars, showing a network of valleys

Perhaps
most surprising is the remarkable resemblance the region bears to the
valleys found in the driest areas on Earth, in particular the Grand
Canyon.

The Echus Chasma is located just north of the Mars' equator.

The
incision is approximately 100 kilometres long and 10 kilometres wide in
the Lunae Planum high plateau north of Valles Marineris.

Enlarge

 

Barren: Located on the eastern part of Echus Chasma is this cliff which is up to 4,000 metres high

The photographs were taken by the High-Resolution Stereo Camera (HRSC) on board the ESA's Mars Express probe.

ESA officials said the canyons in the photographs are approximately 62 miles long, 6.2 miles wide and 3,000 feet deep.

There is also evidence of two impact craters, each five miles wide, and a 15-mile long magma dyke.

Enlarge

 

Echus Chasma is the source region of Kasei Valles, which extends 3,000km to the north

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1035440/Incredible-pictures-Mars--look-surprisingly-like-parts-Earth.html

when i do my kindness affirmation, i think i go into a trance of sorts.
i feel like a core part of myself is transforming into something new.
inflexible, hardened parts of my soul seems to get a full-on massage.
all i say is, "i am kind" whenever i catch myself being bitter, angry, jealous or dark.

i have continued reading joel osteen's book.
he is having a huge impact on me.
if i didn't read his book, i don't think i would have gotten to this affirmation as soon as this.
walter, thanks for the christian headsup. eunjoo's presence as well, thanks.
i pray to god everyday lately, and it's a huge support.

basically the last 5 years ive been focusing on becoming manly.
i didn't like the wimpy, gayish, soft, nice personality i had.
so i rebelled against myself, to change who i was.

i liked the results but it is still on the angry, abrasive side.
i think i took it too far at times, but that's part of the learning process.

now, i know how i am when i am too aggressive, and know myself when i am too soft.
i don't like either.
so now, i will focus on finding the spot right between too aggressive & too soft.

i think "i am kind, but manly"
is that sweet spot.

will continue and see how it matures.

---

today, for some reason, i was surrounded by the most beautiful women all day long at my job.
i mean, some days you see really beautiful women.
but, today it was constant, non-stop.
i don't know what i was thinking all these years.
why didn't i see women's magical power?
they way they walk, the sound of their voice, the way they dress, how they touch their hair.
all of it, pure magic.
omg.
they are more beautiful than any landscape, the deep blue sky or any artwork ever created.

---

thanks thurz for your support always..
thanks cindee for always rocking.
thanks irenium for being who you are.
thanks bb.
thanks kaka, for pushing me into who i am today.
thanks, tnp for never abandoning me.
thanks nestos for never abandoning me.
thanks alex for the teaching me lessons i would have never been able to learn.
thanks to my parents for everything they have done, are doing for me.
thanks to my brother for being there for me.
thanks ****** for giving me a job, although it's minimum wage.

thanks mtking for always writing inspiring entries.

---

i feel really good randomly today. like, unbearable joy that just comes up spontaneously.
and i haven't even had my daily unit of beer yet.

i am kind, but manly.

whew, i guess yesterday was bottom for me for my sickness.
all that tiredness & fatigue is sorta gone this morning.

today will be an excellent day. <333333333

--

today was an excellent day. <333333333333333333333333333333333

damn, eating high quality foods is the toughest part about being totally healthy & fit.
if i can just take out the burgers from my diet.
i think my health would increase 25%

there was a long-ass line infront of the indymac on huntington drive.
everyone pulling their money out?

the atmosphere is so much different from the bally's in rosemead.
rosemead is prolly upper lower class people to lower middle class hispanics & chinese.
pasadena seems solid middle class or higher caucasians & asians.
businessmen type people there too.

i can learn new things going there.

i'm starting to see it.