"If you're not confused, you're not paying attention." -- Tom Peters

One of my clients, a successful 40 year veteran in the insurance
business, is a master at using confusion to his advantage. 75% of what
comes out of his mouth are questions trying to clarify something. It's
like watching an episode of Columbo. Recently we chatted about his
style and he explained it this way. "I definitely ask a lot questions
to get people to open up, but it's more than that. I geninuely don't
know the answers to most of the questions I ask. I think too many
people pretend they know things that they don't - because they don't
want to look foolish. What they often fail to realize is that they're
killing opportunites to learn in the process.

Consider This:

Contrary to popular belief, confusion isn't a bad thing. In fact,
confusion can be a very good thing. It shows the gaps in your
understanding. Don't shy away from it. Get inquisitive. Ask questions.
Use it to get smarter. Furthermore, realize that if you're confused,
it's likely that others are as well. And sometimes sharing your
confusion is an effective way to open powerful and productive
conversations.

Try This:

1. The next time you feel perplexed about a situation, share it with someone.
2. Ask for their thoughts (people loved to be asked for their opinion).
3. Listen closely for something you might be missing.
4. Repeat frequently - there's no use doing all the thinking yourself - it takes too long and you only get one opinion.

http://blog.fastcompany.com/archives/2005/11/07/leading_ideas_use_confusion_to_your_advantage.html

1. no profanity in public places
2. don't interrupt 2 people speaking
3. don't talk too much about myself
4. smile often
5. be emotionally present
6. being sick is not an excuse, uphold friendliness, humility.
7. be assertive.
8. respect need of others
9. don't disconnect, stay emotionally connected, till cycle is finished.
10. order bun next time.

i want to clearly distinguish what i want and what i don't want.
i think i left too many things set on gray, sitting on the sidelines, not making a choice so as not to rock the boat.
to be a nice guy
if you ignore for too long your true desires and allow others to choose them for you
you lose yourself
i am gonna win myself back by distinguishing my true desires and working towards grabbing them.

hey, visit  yosho
you'll see people chatting in real time.
haha
it's cool.

lately, i catch myself praying to god whenever i get to a point where i cannot resolve an issue on my own.
it has a therapeutic effect.
it's like having my affirmations & optimism backed up by a larger entity that is more capable.
so it gives me some emotional & psychological support.

i remember in college i debated with my friend bobby about the existence of god.
i was already becoming an atheist so no matter what he said i would not allow him to dissuade me.
when i asked him, what if you spend your whole life worshipping god, and in the end, it ends up that there is no god.
you would have wasted your whole life practicing something for nothing.
his response was that what if there was a god, then it would have been worth it.
and even if god didn't exist, it would not have hurted to worship.
i sorta understand how he sees it. it's like an insurance policy that you can actually get for free.
it doesn't hurt anyone to believe there is a god.

i was turned off by christianity because i dwelled too much on the negative aspects of the religion.
i felt like the church used guilt, shame and obligation as psychological tactics to force people to worship.
they focus so much on the death of jesus & the crucifiction that it depressed me.

but, i am starting to develop a personal relationship with god sans interference from religious entity.
god backs me up whenever i need help.
he supports my affirmations & efforts to improve.
god is so great that he can make miracles happen in my life, just by me believing in him and asking him for help.

mary macbeth mcdade on channel 9 news is the best looking news caster i've ever seen. wtf. she was wearing all red.

i spent the last 45 minutes writing out a theory about why dressing nicely is good for confidence.
it went though ideas about auras, wins & losses, transference of energy, and emotional battlefields.
if i posted that thing, i know i will be shunned as a psychotic.
i deleted it.
i'm gonna go watch tv now.
xanga writing while being sick was a bad idea.

the hottest manager in the store touched me on the shoulder today.
out of nowhere after saying something to me.

here, i thought she hated me for being such an obnoxious worker.

i know work-wise we have some sort of competition going.
a superiority contest.
who's smarter, who's in control type of contest.

but i sorta felt a sexual attraction between us too.
when i peeked at her breasts one time, she didn't back away.
she actually pushed her breasts towards my eyes to see better.

that touch confirmed my theory.
maybe i have a chance with this girl.

at the most animal level, i think we have an attraction.
but, i don't even know if we are socially/communication-wise compatible.

maybe flirting is good enough for now.

maybe she is being nice to me because she feels my humility affirmations.
i kinda backed down from the superiority contest, and allowed her to become the dominant aura in the workplace.
---
ps.
also, and maybe this had something to do with the touch..
today i sorta dressed better than usual.
usually it's a hood or t-shirt w/ khakis.
today, i wore a collared shirt and tucked it in.

yesterday i sorta started thinking maybe my life sucks because i wear crappy clothing. 
my usual dress attire is no different from my gym attire.
one of my richest friends gave me a lecture one time about dressing in white t-shirts all the time.
he said it's clothing that people wear to sleep. so i'm walking around in my sleep clothes.
i ignored his advice and continued through with the cholo-type attire.
now i know what he was talking about.

i noticed that whenever i wear nicer clothes, i am more confident.
it's such a shallow thing to have your clothing dictate how you feel.
but, the reality is that wearing nice clothes does have a huge effect.

yesterday i thought to myself, "dress for success."
so i dressed up.
even if i felt crappy and sick, i dressed up.
and, i think it worked.

people are judgmental, and assume.
so, if you dress nicely they think positive things about you.
they give you more respect, simply for wearing nice clothes.
i guess it's human nature, it's retarded but might as well work it to my advantage.

birds of a feather flock together.
if i dress nicer, i'll attract more beautiful, attractive, well dressed people into my life.

i think i've hit the jackpot.
i think humility will be the key to getting my life expanding.
before i practiced humilty, but it was a very shallow level humility that only sought to make myself look like nice person.
arrogance and conceit is a very tricky animal that hides away in the darkest crevices of the mind.
maybe it's because i'm getting older, maybe it's because i drink a beer a night, maybe because i'm sick... whatever the reason...
my mind is slow enough for me to observe what it is really doing.
i think i've made people feel really bad all throughout my life because of my out-of-control conceit, arrogance & superiority type thoughts.
and the awkward, stupid thing about it is that i'm not all that to be making other people feel lesser than me.
usually, i don't say it in words or even show it in gestures.
it's through feelings & thoughts that i maneuver myself to place myself in a higher position.
most people are not stupid.
they can sense this type of thing and usually will attack back, in various ways.
they will come back at you verbally, physically, spiritually...aka bad karma.
whatever i did to make myself feel better than them, they counter and try to take a position above me.
i've gone though life creating enemies where i should have been starting friendships.
ending friendships, burning bridges.
all because of lack of humility, self-centeredness.
so full of myself that i did not leave any space for others to occupy.

you might be saying i'm being too hard on myself.
but, i'm not.

if my attitude & way of thinking was correct.
my life would be different.
there is so much to improve upon.
but, i think being humble will be a huge step.

but, i don't intend on being so humble that i lose my heart & testosterone.
i will be reasonably humble, whenever necessary.

so at work they have me push items out and stock them into the shelves.
sometimes i'm the designated dude that does that the whole day.
i've gotten used to it so it's not a big deal.
but, it's alot of work.
i used to go as quick as i can, so as to impress the management or try atleast not to get fired.
but, i realized i couldn't keep that pace forever, especially cuz i'm sick.
i slowed down my pace from sixteenths to about half.
it seems like i go slower and wasting time.
but, i think i'm getting the same amount of work done.
same amount of work, more precision, less stress & panic.
i remember in elementary school they had that story about the turtle & the hare.
i used to always think the hare was the best.
it's cooler to be quicker.
but, i'm starting to see that maybe taking my time has it's merits.
---
this is the first time in my life where i'm sick and actually deriving education from it.
always thought sickness was just some negative event that i wished would quickly go away.
maybe it's the affirmation... "turn mistakes into advantages."