i have moments of ecstacy lately.
especially when i smell something good.
a moment ago, a neighbor's dinner scent found it's way into my bedroom window.
omg it smelled so good.
i felt like i was in ecstacy for about 2-3 seconds.
for a few seconds, i was in their dining room eating with them.
their atmosphere was right there, and all from just the smell.

i think being very fit and not drinking alcohol is making my senses more keen.

ever since i stopped drinking alcohol, my skin did go back to normal.
i haven't been drinking for about 8 days now.

i kind of miss it from time to time.
but, i can do without it.
ofc, i will drink when i hang out.

also, my theory was correct.
the running does make my eyes sparkle too.
it's actually sparkling more than when i was drinking alcohol.
when overall circulation is good, the skin & eyes benefit. .

also, the affirmation, "friendly" is probably helping my eyes to soften & relax.
when i'm mad all the time, i have a certain look & energy emanating from the eyes.
when i become friendly & relaxed, the eyes transform.
into something more sparking and clear.

Body mass index (BMI) is the most popular determinant in deciding your
correct body weight. It gives you a scoring that predicts your health
risk factor. The higher your BMI scoring is, greater are your chances of
developing weight related health problems. If your BMI is under 20, then
that indicates that you are underweight. Normal weight range falls in
the category of 20 and 24.99 BMI. And if your BMI lies in the limit of
25 and above, then that means you are overweight and need to take some
action to control your weight.

Here is the ideal body weight chart for women (in terms of pounds)
according to different body frames

i prolly have over 300 anime books sitting outside in my hallway.
in commemoration of shedding myself of my past self.
i am going to be throwing them all away.
anime, video games, all boring now.
i seek stimulation from real life experiences w/ people.
bye anime, fuck off.

---

i couldn't throw them away, i put them in the storage room.

being friendly works.
it works so well.
if i continue this like i'm doing, i'll be a changed man in an year.
just like my physique.
i'll keep pushing at it, until, something gives way to transform the way that i interact w/ people.
it's starting already.
i can feel it.

friendly. 

i had this really angry energy always sitting around inside me.
especially near my nose.
i am glad to announce that it is about 75% gone.
if i keep up w/ "friendly" it'll be 100% gone in a few months.

i can tell people are able to connect to me easier now.
but, i still can't follow through till the end.
sometimes i run out of emotional fuel and disappear into the background.
i know i can improve on it tho,  i've come this far.
i can keep taking it a step further, little at a time.

goodnight, work at 8am tomorrow.

i think most of my actions are intentional.
and, i am responsible for them.

even the actions i want to deny as part of myself.
have their source at the most basic part of me that is truly myself.

it is so much part of myself that it is hard to detect.
because it is natural and automatic.

but, it is this part of myself that should get the most examination.
but, most of the time, it gets the least attention.

some might call it evil, some might call it the subconscious.
it calculates, schemes and executes in fractions of a second.

but, it is something that will eventually come under my deliberate control.
because this is the only way towards achieving - decency.

i think i'm really starting to see myself.
the good, the bad, and the ugly.
all of it, without flinching.
bad thing is i see so much negative things.
but this new insight comes with optimism
since i can see more, i can fix more, i can improve more
since i don't run away into denial and can face it directly.

hey, transfer your money to WAMU if you're at ING.
the APR on the online savings account is better at WAMU.
the CD's are better yielding too at WAMU.
also, WAMU is american.
ING is the netherlands, let's support America & profit more while doing it.

i still can't get over how perfect this job was for me.
it's the correct gradient
and, it's around the right type of people.
if i unleashed my raw personality on office types, i would have been fired so quickly.
but, with these types of people, they are just as raw as i am.
they can take my personality flaws and be ok with it.
i can get away with so many mistakes.
and, just keep practicing.
it's great. i love this work environment.