this morning my dog got lost.

she was missing for 20 minutes.

i ran up and down the street at extra-jogger pace.

i couldn't accept the fact that my dog might be gone forever.

my mom seemed like she had given up.

i said to myself, fuck this shit, my dog is not gonna get lost!!!

i ran up the street one more time.

then, luckily i found it in the arms of a mexican boy.

i took her from his arms and she licked my face like 3 times, really happy to see me.

the kid instantly understood that the dog was mine from the affinity we shared.

i was lucky to find her.

this dog is like part of my heart.

i love her so much.

a weird thing happened before store close related to this.

on the advertising section of the store, someone put up a flyer that read...

"keep your dog on a leash, clean up it's poop, $250.00 fine"

i was like wtf is this.

noone ever posts things like this there. it's mostly japanese flyers that are up.

really, really strange coincidence that this flyer goes up on the day my dog got lost.

so it pissed me off.

i tore it down and threw it in the trash.

i drew a picture of a big red heart and drew my dog in the middle of it.

lol

i put up my little drawing where the previous flyer was hanging.

i hope the person who put up the flyer, sees it.

lol

not always, but sometimes hearts do equal love.

i am wondering. are immigrants basically traitors to their previous countries? depending on how you look at it, they might be. they basically sold out their culture, their people, the thousands of years of familial history for a better opportunity. "opportunists"

i'm not saying it's a totally bad thing. i think it's a good thing for people to watch out for themselves and protect their interests, to seek out a better life.

now, for the first generation, it was totally their choice. they wanted to do it, and they did.

but, did they think about the awkward situation their children would have to face when they did so?

it takes some balls and stupidity to transfer over to a different country and live there with minimal language skills of that country.

i guess, i had a really difficult time assimilating to america, and i was freaking born here.

i absorbed most of my parent's values and thinking style.

so it clashed with the american way.

not only this, i grew up with some suspiciousness about the US and it's government and people.

why?

because during world war 2, japanese-americans were put in concentration camps like the jews in germany.

this showed me that when shit hits the fan, i am not really considered an american.

but, i know japanese from japan do not consider me japanese. i was not born there and did not grow up where they did, so how can i be considered to be one of them? i cannot force  them to feel or regard me as one of their own.

so, what am i left with? i have to become an american.

during the iraq wars, i didn't see muslims being put into concentration camps, so maybe things are changing. maybe american citizens are considered, american citizens nowadays.

i am hoping this is the case.

and all these people in the US who hold their mother country's so dearly to heart. why da fuck did you betray your previous country? if you like that country so much, why aren't you there now?

am i being harsh? prolly so. i had a really bad streak of luck today.

i can't believe chi was lost for 20minutes in the street today.

luckily, a mexican kid was walking around with it, looking for it's owner.

prolly an immigrant's child.

omg 5-6 bad luck incidents today.

i think i'm getting punished for asking my mother yesterday in japanese,  "are you stupid?"

no more insulting my mother.

she is powerful.

lol

today, after getting home from in-and-out. i cried.

i cried not because i was sad or anything like that.

i cried because of the in-and-out manager.

after asking him about when the tomatoes will be back.

i shook his hand out of thanks for him giving me information.

i didn't expect anything but a handshake.

but when we shook hands, his face was emanating so much happiness & kindness.

i couldn't believe it.

love & kindness & warmth just pouring out of this man.

i learned today that you don't really have to be a tough guy or a gangsta to be strong & impactful.

i realized this manager had this huge, strong, manly, powerful energy and he wasn't even trying to be hard or gangsta.

i realized there are many paths towards being manly.

i cried because i saw how truly nice he was, even if it was just for that moment when he was shaking my hands.

here i was, a big asshole. atleast a huge asshole for the past few years.

and he was giving me so much love & kindness.

and, this made me cry.

the contrast of who i am and who he is made me cry.

i felt guilty, but at the same time happy that i was changing enough to see this.

i found a cool way to spend my 15 minute breaks at work.

i chill at the book section where i get to browse the newest books & magazines for free.

i saw a light blue colored book with a huge sticker covering the book's title.

i was like, man, what a dumbass thing to do, covering a book's title with a 20% off sticker!

i could tell tho, the book's title might be, "the power now" or something like this.

turned out to be the Power Of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.

i flicked through the book and randomly stopped at a page.

it read...

"waiting is a state of mind. basically it means that you want the future; you don't want the present. you don't want what you've got, and want what you haven't got. with every kind of waiting, you unconsciously create inner conflict between your here and now, where you don't want to be, and the projected future, where you want to be. this greatly reduces the quality of your life by making you  lose the present."

i was like, hmm.. this is pretty interesting so i read on...

"there is nothing wrong with striving to improve your life situation. you can improve your life situation, but you cannot improve your life. life is primary. life is your deepest inner being. it already is whole, complete, perfect. your life situation consists of your circumstances and your experiences. there is nothing wrong with setting goals and striving to achieve things. the mistake lies in using it as a substitute for the feeling of life, for being. the only point of access for that is the now. you are then like an architect who pays no attention to the foundation of building but spends a lot of time working on the superstructure."

fucking-a. i wanted to show you all how good this book is, but i can't type this shit out anymore, it will take me forever.

oh by the way, i bought the book, it's in front of me now. i haven't read it yet. but wanted to show you  the part that got me interested.

basically, the book went on saying that if we learned to stay in the present and fully enjoy & appreciate it, just as it is now.. then, we would experience life fully and this practice will naturally manifest a delightful future.

for some reason, this logic was very reasonable to me.

it felt like the truth.

i could tell this guy was smart because usually i could read something and find flaws and holes in it.

i tried flicking through more pages but all the sentences seemed very sturdy & truthful.

i could feel the truth energy just popping out at me from the sentences on the printed page.

like zzz zzz zap sounding energy, just coming out of the pages.

then, i read the front cover and it has a quotation of deepak chopra recommending the book.

"one of the best books to come along in years. every sentence rings the truth and power."

dude, that's exactly what it felt like seeing his sentences, just felt like the truth, very quick, very straightforward truth.

hey, deepak chopra agreed with what i was thinking.

so, i had to buy it.

i'll let you know how it's like after i read more.

oddly, just a few days before today, when i first saw this book, i've been getting this weird "indian" fetish. don't ask me about any particular but, it was starting up.

then, deepak chopra.

hmm....

MEXICO CITY (AP) — Mexican growers on Wednesday called a U.S.
warning against certain types of their tomatoes unjust, saying it has
brought exports to a halt and could cripple Mexico's $900 million
industry.

Growers said their produce is subject to double the
scrutiny that U.S. tomatoes face: inspected first by Mexican officials
and then again at the border when crossing into the U.S.

The U.S.
Food and Drug Administration is still hunting for the source of a
salmonella outbreak linked to three types of raw tomatoes that has
sickened 167 people in 17 U.S. states since mid-April. It has cleared
imports from at least six countries — but not Mexico, which sends 80
percent of its tomato exports to the United States.

As a result, exports here have come to a halt.

"We
can't sell a single box of tomatoes," said Jesus Macias, sales manager
at the Productora Agricola Industrial del Noreste in the border state
of Baja California.

His farm normally ships up to 50,000 boxes of
tomatoes a day to an importer in Chula Vista, California — until it
stopped buying his produce last week. Macias plans to give his 3,000
laborers an extra day off each week to cut costs as long as the slump
continues.

Baja California began its harvest in April and be
would the hardest-hit state if the U.S. salmonella scare continues to
stem sales.

Macias said he used to sell each 12-kilogram
(26-pound) box of tomatoes for $15 in the U.S., but now must sell them
in Mexico, where a glut of unexported tomatoes is flooding the market
and pushing prices as low as $5 a box.

The U.S. Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention have said 167 people have been
identified as having salmonella with the same "genetic fingerprint." At
least 23 have been hospitalized.

Salmonella is a bacteria that
lives in the intestinal tracts of humans and other animals. The
bacteria are usually transmitted to humans by eating foods contaminated
with animal feces.

U.S. health officials have presented no proof
that the contaminated tomatoes are from Mexico, said Manuel Tarriba,
head of the Sinaloa state Tomato Growers Association. No salmonella has
been reported in Sinaloa state, Mexico's top tomato producing region,
he told Mexico's state news agency, Notimex, on Wednesday.

"Even
if Mexico isn't the culprit, the industry has already been affected. We
need to change that, because when you send an alarm to consumers, the
first thing they do is stop buying," he said.

hey! the in-and-out burgers today were particularly, unsavory.

why?

it's fucking missing one of it's best ingredients!

the tomato!

was missing!!!

wtf!

i asked the manager when we would get the tomato back.

he said it's not up to them but the governement.

it's the salmonella scare.

i wonder what country we import the most tomatoes from?

they are taking a huge hit this month!!!

hey! i think i'm making some progress on the social skills arena.

i'm talking to strangers like they are my normal friends.

this is a good sign.

i hadn't been like this since freshman year of college.

freshman year of college is when i experience my version of "enlightenment"

seemed like everyone liked me and i got along with everyone.

it's sorta that similar vibe again.

maybe it's my weight. i think at 145-147 range, my biochemistry starts to work ideally.

maybe it's all the affirmations.

maybe it's the running.

whatever the fuck it is, it is working.

i went to costco today to get an eye exam and contact lens fitting.

only $75!!!

what a deal!

i'm gonna buy daily disposables online with the prescription i got today.

i really recommend daily disposables.

you don't have to clean them, just throw it out each night.

this minimizes the potentially harmful effects of wearing the same contact for 2 weeks.

2 things in life i wouldn't go cheapo on... 1. food 2. contact lenses.

we gotta take care of our bodies.

maybe, i'm doing so well socially because i am taking care of my body really well.

or, maybe working at a place with so many people with such good personalities is just rubbing off on me.

i wish i could do this job forever, but the pay is minimum standard.

i think if i were to chose a job longterm, it would have to be around lots of people, and decent amount of interaction with customers.

i think actually i'm a very social person.

it's just my life happenings have brought me to the point i am.

but deep down inside, i love being around people.

cut off a few negative traits and keep adding on new social skills & i should be ok.

New
consumer research shows that higher, vaulted ceilings change how you
think or act in a room. The study, which will be published in August,
was done by marketing professors at the University of Minnesota Carlson
School of Management.

"When a person is in a space with a 10-foot ceiling, they
will tend to think more freely, more abstractly," said Meyers-Levy.
"They might process more abstract connections between objects in a
room, whereas a person in a room with an 8-foot ceiling will be more
likely to focus on specifics."

The
authors theorized that when reasonably salient, a higher versus a lower
ceiling can stimulate the concepts of freedom versus confinement,
respectively. This causes people to engage in either more free-form,
abstract thinking or more detail-specific thought. Thus, depending on
what the task at hand requires, the consequences of the ceiling could
be positive or negative."

mooks_dayoo: Holy shit. This makes sense to me. So, if I spend my time
all day & night in a little room, my thinking becomes smaller &
detailed. Since I can't change my room's ceiling height, at the moment, maybe I should spend more time outside. The sky has no ceiling.

i want to be authentic.