so i finally got my chance to use the new word, bawt fun to the register girl.
response was: sorry, we don't have any more rice tonight. (in perfect english)
it just had to be a girl that knows english and had to be the night when they are out of rice.
atleast she said it with a pretty smile tho.

inner smile & pleasure chaining (don't ask me what this is, i just thought of it yesterday)

----

yesterday i learned a new chinese word. "BAWT FUN" (sp?) white rice. i asked the manager at 固頭 right near the entrance at shun fat. they sell shumai, gyoza, all kinds of dimsum-like items for only 99c. 2 of those and a bawt fun and that's a whole dinner. 3 bucks for full-on dinner. love it!

also, when i get chinese food, i'm gonna be focusing on the steamed items, not the fried variety.

once the 24 hr fitness opens, i'm gonna be going to this place often on the way back from working out.

i realized today that each pleasurable moment is fleeting.
a really good feeling only lasts a few minutes.

it is painful to try to force that feeling to stay.
that's how people get addicted because they want to repeat the same pleasure over and over again.

so, whenever that really good feeling arrives in a situation, it's best to just really really enjoy it.
and, just let it go when it's done and be happy that it happened.

the next pleasurable moment is waiting tho, somewhere in the future.
and that pleasurable feeling will be unique to that situation, time & person.

friendly, helpful, smile.

---

my old affirmation for tapping into aggressive energy was...
subete doudemo ii すべて、どうでもいい。
it means, basically, i don't give a fuck about anything.
maybe that's why my energy doesn't meld well with people.

i'm gonna try... "bring it" or "bring it on" かかってこんかい！
this way, i'm tapping into some strength, not running away, confronting with all my might.
but at the same time, not pushing out so much negative energy that it pushes people away.

今やれ同盟国！！！

馬鹿かと、あほかと、ちんどん屋ですかと？

どんだけぇええええ～！！！！　いかほど～～～　lol

かかってこんかい？！　このボケが！！！！

いえい！！！

うっうっうまうま～　うっうっうまうまぁああ～～～！　lol

一度吐いたツバは、にどと飲み込めんのじぇい～～～　あはは

too much humility is a crappy feeling.
i feel the life being drained out of me.
i need more burning fire.
looking for a replacement to humility to offset being overly aggressive.

become most helpful worker this corporation has ever known. 

http://www.jambacentral.com/therealdeal/?utm_source=jamba&utm_medium=hp&utm_campaign=bogo

thanks jae.

i have lived in alhambra/monterey park area for 32 years and i don't know most of the restaurants here. mostly because i don't speak chinese and the stores look unapproachable.

IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE.

my new goal is to take about a year and visit every single chinese restaurant around. i'm gonna be looking out for the most volume at the lowest price.

i don't care how thick and black and intimidating the chinese characters look. i'm walking in.

1. today was unusual, i felt sort of off center, but at the same time saw some progress. (off center, but good)
2. i confronted some of my weaknesses, and had a glimpse of childhood moments that are at the root of the weakness. i'm close to something. maybe i can tackle that moment down and overcome it once and for all. (overcome that weakness. )
3. i realized that some of the quirks that i have has it's roots in small confusions and inability to think something through calmly. it's like coming to a conclusion on various things in life, but on misinformation or lack of thinking power. this shows it's a good idea to re-evaluate my stance on different things once in a while to update. (always growing)
4. maybe my mind is going through a large scale shift, and all the thoughts i once deemed normal in the past are all coming into question because i've developed a deeper ability to observe. (mental shift)
5. i feel like i'm re-establishing some of my mental skills. when i was a kid, i remember being able to be 1-2-3 steps ahead of people. i would be able to influence & manipulate situation because i could see the future. when you can do this, you can take a few actions or say a few things to sway the outcome of any situation. this skill is sorta coming back. it reminds me of myself when i was a kid. this quickness in thought is so vital to be a social person because it allows you to calculate what is appropriate and what is not.
6. maybe the above skill is a normal skill that most people have. i don't want to inflate my ego by thinking that i am one of the few who have it. it's a normal skill that most people have to make sure they get through life safely & comfortably.
7. one of my co-workers said that she wanted me on her team. this is the backroom team. they get paid more than the salesfloor. but, if i went to the backroom it would take away from my time helping customers. the best part of my job is helping customers because it's the chance to speak to strangers on a regular basis that is leading to my growth. i need to stay on the salesfloor. also, that's where all the beautiful women are, not in the backroom. but, the girl who wants me on her team is actually highly attractive herself as well. she is so nice to me.
8. my mind feels like it's racing today. i sorta like it because i feel like i'm getting more thinking done. but, i need this type of ability to be stable and stay with me all the time. i can't have this skill pop in and out of my life. it's too unpredicatable.
9. this one vietnamese lady with large breast showing... who i thought was really attractive, purposely leaned her way into my cashier booth. it was so blatant, it was awesome. there was no logical reason for anyone to come into the cashier booth like that. there was a long line waiting and if i looked down her blouse it would be so obvious i couldn't do it even if i wanted to. she teased me hard.
10. but, today was a little off. i can't put my finger on it. maybe it was because my friend yelled at me the other day for a mistake i made. that kinda put me off center. that must be the source. i need to get over it quick and come back stronger. i apologized to the dude, so it is all over. but emotionally, i think it had an impact. maybe i should spend less time with that person. it's not healthy to be verbally assaulted on a regular basis.
11. i'm starting to realize that maybe the man's arm is the equivalent to a woman's breast. on the days when my t-shirts are cut off a little higher. the girls treat me differently.
12. lately, when i talk to women customers, they start making this sad puppy dog gesture with their mouths, when i tell them we are out of a product. what is that? how am i supposed to react to it?
13. i'm getting so used to talking to strangers, i start to talk to them spotaneously. this job, really....THIS JOB IS CHANGING MY LIFE FROM THE CORE. it's godsent. it's inevitable that i change because customers come up to me to ask questions on products ALL DAY LONG. before it was just normal people, but lately even the hot girls are proactively asking me questions too. this is really really good social practice. i should be paying "******" 8/hr, not the other way around.
14. for example, yesterday i was at a restaurant in front of shun fat on atlantic buying shu-mais. i wanted to ask the cashier if they sold white rice, but she couldn't speak any english at all. i don't understand how she can live in the US not knowing what "white rice" is. anyways, there was this really cute cute cute girl that was in the restaurant when i entered and i admire her looks. she was standing right next to me when i was trying to ask the lady about the white rice. i just asked the hot customer girl if she spoke any chinese and asked her to translate for me. now, i don't know if i did it the right, polite way, but this isn't the point. i actually was able to bring this girl into the situation. before i would have just left it be and left the restaunt without any white rice. the girl translated for me, i thanked her and she took off. this is not normal behaviour compared to my panic attack, social anxiety days. this is real progress. i love "******" "can i help you find something?"
15. even if i win the lottery for 125million dollars, i would continue working at "******" at minimum wage for the rest of my life. it will be my way to help people in this capitalistic world of ours, by simply leading customers to the products they desire.

went to venice beach w/ chi and read a book together
talked to 2 strangers
one thing i notice is that i lose interest in the conversation after a few minutes
i need to figure out how to stay present, lively and interested
even if the conversation is hella boring or if i don't have much interest in the other person
this  cannot be an excuse

maybe...

treat every conversation like the most important one in your life. listen & participate as if your life depended on it. (hmm.. maybe this might be overkill) i'll experiment some more with this.