February 9, 2010
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adding value to other people's lives.
i've been reading a couple of books i borrowed from the library about improving relationship and communication and came across some useful information. the opposite of love is supposedly selfishness. and, if the disposition is leaning towards selfishness, the best way to correct it is by asking the question, "how can i help this person." when the attention is away from self and towards making someone else's life better, then there is unification with others. people will want to return the favor. if truly selfish, it is a one man team. but, if the tendency is towards helping others, then there are many involved because there will be dozen of people there to support the rise. just as the person supported the rise of others.
Comments (8)
i believe that there a lot of "unselfish" things we do for people to make them feel better that we do out of selfish reasons (to make ourselves feel better that we helped them).
What books are you reading? This sounds like a good project.
This is good advice as long as you aren't expecting the other person to return the favor just because you made the first move. But yes, a lot of the time we are always thinking about me me me and not about others. Thus, relationships fall apart and friendships get broken.
@veronika_grey - i see things the same way.. also though, it's probably better to have selfish and helpful behavior than solely selfish behavior that has negative effects on the people around us. so, these "unselfish" acts that are selfish are actually unselfish from the perspective from a wider and whole view.
@zisixi - it's a bunch of self help books i borrowed from the library. i think the latest one i got the above content from was "winning with people"
@shoujo - what's a good way to do things for others without expecting anything in return when the logical mind naturally calculates that it will happen? do i just shut down that portion of my brain temporarily?
You have to consciously think about not expecting something in return. Do a good deed but don't think, "Oh, since I helped so and so, they should do such and such thing for me." Take, for example, the guy who surprises his girlfriend with flowers and then gets angry when she doesn't want to have sex that night. It's the guy's fault for expecting his gf to put out just because he performed a nice gesture. The girl is not obligated to do anything special to recognize his thoughtfulness. Does that make sense?
@shoujo - i like the hot example.. it makes it much clearer. i get it now. basically, just do it just to do it for the sake of just doing it. and, whatever happens after that shouldn't be left under our control, but to the other person.
Exactly!
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