dude, i am watching morning japanese news and it goes into detail about a "beer summit" that obama had with professor gates. biden and sgt crowley...
hahahah, i didn't know presidents drank beer with people like this. the japanese news went into detail that obama was having a budlight, sgt crowley, blue moon, the professor samuel adams light and biden drank non-alcoholic beer. hahahahahah
last night my mind was full of hatred and negative thoughts. it was almost like every thought led to some kind of negative thinking or hate. always into the dark direction. then, i tried to force myself to create the emotion of love. i thought to myself that i love people. each person that popped up in my head, instead of hating them or thinking bad thoughts about them, i gave an effort to love them. the battle was left at a draw. i didn't feel like evil or love just somewhere in between, but this was actually a good result considering how much hate there was in the beginning. i tried to use this at work today too. it works, i could get better at this with practice. maybe i will acquire a loving emotion that will enhance my life soon.
also, i realized while working if i fall into a negative momentum loop, i should just start humming a song and just cashier while listening to a song in my head. this way all the negative thoughts disappear and i start to actually have fun doing the work to the rhythm of the music.
i think i am living with a little less fear and hesitation than i did before my near death experience. i basically braced myself for death. i'm really lucky to be alive and living a second chance. my life and decisions right now should reflect my new minset after losing my life once. any little fear and hesitations i had in the past are now nothing compared to bracing for death. i asked the scheduler to make me into a photo guy and he said i will start training, and will take the next available spot when it opens. i am starting to realize that in life, you can't just leave it up to chance for things to happen. unless you personally ask for it and make it happen, it never will. i now know that this is true in life, and i feel like i will have the courage to ask for and get what i truly want. nothing is scarier than bracing for death. so, it should be easy for me to get what i want in life. it's not even a scary thing, it is a good thing.
i really thought alcohol was doing me good for the longest time. i thought it was relaxing my personality a little and allowing my emotions to be released more fluidly. but... this is only true initially. once you start to take alcohol regularly... before you know you become desensitized to the fact that you are changing. your mind starts to think very loosely and lose it's exactness. you tend to make decisions based on this loose thinking so you tend to make bad decisions. before you know it your really clean room starts to accumulate lazy piles of clothing and 2-3 week old dust just chillin on the computer desk. your health starts to slightly deteriorate but this goes under the radar too. not blatantly sick enough to detect but bad enough for your physical, mental health to slightly out of whack. these slight negative effects of alcohol slowly accumulates and one day you find your life in a shit situation. worse case scenario it can come to this. so, before it happens, i am stopping altogether. i got 47 surveys today. see, i didn't need alcohol to do it. i thought i did. i haven't drunk in about a week. my personality feels like it's old self. i like it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calorie_restriction
the day after i overeat.. my mind is cloudy, i get in a bad mood, i talk less can't use my mind very well, feel sluggish, and my face looks fugly.
the day after i portion control my diet... i feel light, friendly, clear minded, feel in control and my face looks handsome.
i know these things and yet it's so hard to perfectly control my diet everyday.
i do well at breakfast, noon but i fuck up for dinner. it's almost like i try to make up for all the calorie restriction at night. i think it's because my mom comes home with food from work at 8pm.. and that gives me an excuse to chow down. i need to conquer this.
i read today that it takes about 4 hours to digest food, so i scheduled my meals today at 8am, 12pm, 4pm and 8pm is coming up.
8pm is the key meal... if i can keep it at 1 cup. i am set for tomorrow. that's what i do, eat 1 cup of food every sitting.
i also read today that people who take on calorie restriction tend to live longer lives. i believe it.
i really want to be in control tomorrow and feel good.
so i promise myself when my mom comes home i only eat 1 cup of food.
as some website advised, i will savor each bite and enjoy the taste and take my time when eating, this gives enough times for my stomach to send signals to my brain that it's ok to stop because i'm full.
i went to venice beach today. it was a beautiful day.
hispanic women are goddesses.
ps: 8pm meal was a success! tomorrow should be a mediumly healthy day.
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