a financial attitude adjustment. i remember on one occassion while i was still making good money, i was in a hurry and pushed open my car door. couple of quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies fell on the ground. i just looked at it laughed and ran off to do my errand. now today, stark difference. i am walking and see a penny on the ground. i remind myself how valuable each penny is and pick it up. i flick it with my thumb into the air and catch it with my palm, with a feeling of contentment. a mexican lady in her mid 50s in her car watched me do this, and smiles. i'm learning some deep lessons in life. i am being reformed from the bottom up,  down to the penny. 

i think i figured something out.. making changes by small increments. if i can't be happy-go-lucky, fun, happy and stop being serious, why not just aim low? i'll be less serious. just a little less. my brain can welcome that reality. a small loosening of my tense, seriousness. that is possible. then, i'll get used to that level and then keep going in small increment until i get to the place i want to be! oh yea !

http://www.drpepper.com/?cmpid=dp_dietdp09_bn_coupinc_couppod_80x100

since i can't eat out.. i'm gonna use this opportunity to learn how to cook, at cheap. my first goal is to learn vietnamese dishes that i like. com tam, pho, bun, to start. i can prolly be a good chef. my anality can be put to good use. 

4th item just sold... amazon.com selling rocks!

this, not lifting on days off to save gas is not working out! fuck this! i am gonna go work out today.

just sold boyz in da hood dvd at amazon.

i will use a brown paper bag and paper towels for cushioning. cost: $0.00.

will mail out at cheapest rate possible. hopefully less than $1.50.

Item: Boyz 'N the Hood [DVD] (1998) Al-Amir, Hudhail; Avery II, Lloyd; Bassett...
Condition: Used - Very Good
Quantity: 1
Purchased on: 02/16/2009
Buyer's Price: $6.50
Shipping: $2.98
Amazon Commission: $-2.77
Your Earnings: $6.71

cool, so i make about $5.51 back.

i should sell every dvd i have.

so i started ?arget cashiering based on 2 main motivations. 1. was to repay the people who loaned me money 2. to increase my people skills. i have to say, both are coming along pretty well. i talked to a friend named George. he's a pharmacist and he's pretty smart with his cash. very detailed money management. i told him about what had happened to me and he came up with a financial plan for me. i was kinda putting the money part of the strategy aside and just focusing on upping my people skills. but, george reminded me that it was important for me to repay everyone first. so, i've basically cut down all my expenses even further than before and have started to really work at saving money. i thought i could just wait till i get my real job where i make 30k+ to repay everyone, but i guess now is better than later. i don't think any man out there is living as frugally as i am. it's realy teaching me some money skills. and, showing me that one can really get through life on close to nothing. lol i don't eat out, all i do is eat in most of the time. i don't even buy vitamin water or any $1 treats that i used to on my breaks. i just drink from the water fountain. lol i cancelled all my movie channels, i lowered my cable modem speed to 5megs from 10 megs. basically, i looked at any points in my life where i was spending money and just killed it. i think i have an obligatory monthly spending of about $45. the rest of it is going towards repayment . so i'm handling the money part better now. also, i'm selling everything i have on ebay. i sold about 3 items so far. all trash that is sitting around anyways. better to give it to someone out there who really wants it. also, the coupon girl has been helping me find deals. i'm getting some pretty damn good deals using these coupons. it's amazing. if i ever become truly destitute i know i will be able to survive because i will know how to use coupons. lol

and the social skills progress. before, i used to hate the customers that talked a lot. like, just buy your shit and get on with it. why do you have to bother me with conversation. now, i'm the direct opposite. why is this customer so quiet, what a boring person. lol i did a 180 turn-around. and, my speaking skills is increasing because so many people talk to me while i'm working. i think the highly extroverted ones are rubbing off on me and changing the way i socialize. i'm starting to build confidence in my talking skills. it will keep getting better too, i can tell. also my brain speed is changing. also my alertness. you really have to use your brain to stay present at work. you can't just sit there with a blank look on your face like as if i stayed home and did computers all day long. you have to really be alive, present and ready. on top of this, it's not ordinary speed i'm developing. it's 100% speed score speed. everyone is starting to look like slow pokes now. i think being busy all the time increases brain function. there is a huge difference between a mind that is in inertia, lazy, inaction and one that is constantly active, doing and ready. and this momentum is still buidling, i don't know how far i can take this. it's fun to watch my own progress. also, my cashier lines are made up of all types of people. sometimes very beautiful women. and, i'm getting practice talking to them in an very indirect way. even by just asking. "would you like to save $11.00 today by opening a ?arget credit card?" or even, "debit or credit?" is actually practice. these small encounters can build confidece until it's like nothing and i can build into longer sentences instead of tiny lines. i have very little problem going up to strangers now and talking to them. compared to before, it's like night and day. handling 250+ customers a day really does tear down any social problems that may exist. it was all practice, solution was just being out there and just being active. i think i want to keep cashiering for another year. so april of 2010 is when i will probably move on to my next job. by then, i will be much more socially capable and ready to handle a full work schedule.