when i'm not talking it's too quiet, and when i start talking it is a bit excessive. i need to find the right balance.
also, i need to listen to other people and acknowledge and respect the other person's turn when they are talking.

my buddies took me out to korean bbq tonight for my birthday in la crescenta.
it was a random restaurant andy found in a food book.
it was called KA-SAN. i asked the waitress what it meant. KA means beautiful. SAN means mountain.
there is a view in the area where they can see the mountains so they named it after that. nice.

lakers lost by one point. vix was pissed.
sto gave me filipino beer at his pad.
calvin was pissed it wasn't indian food, he had skipped lunch in anticipation of indian but we ended up korean.
i did 19 pullups at sto's. i remember doing it 30+ times at the gym. i think the difference was speed and overly trying to have correct technique.

Andy Dufrane, a man who crawled thru a river
of shit and came out clean on the other
side...Andy Dufrane.

been taking fish oil for a half a week now. maybe there is a difference? even if it's placebo, it's worth it.
ate too much tonight. my 1-1-1-1 went out the door. oh wellz, it's my birthday. who cares.

i decided to up my ?arget hours to 30hours a week. i can't repay my debt at this speed.
also, no more eating out... no more driving around aimlessly.
i'm cutting all expenses to make up for the small income i have.
if i do all of the above, i should be able to repay everyone in less than 2 years.
i'm gonna miss in-and-out.

i bought maha back from this dude named steven wong. he keeps stealing my best pets.

something about this picture is highly attractive to me.
for sale 81M+
 

4 minutes, 10 seconds... 93% of all communication is non-verbal.

http://video.aol.com/partner/cnbc/catching-a-liar/_0OMBTPT_Vmba_1MsT0q70B1zs8rpght

selling her for 91M

cashiering is transforming me into a social being and repairing my negative traits.

you are what you surround yourself with. by cashiering, i am surrounding myself with PEOPLE. all varieties of them. all races, gender, ages... to be successful at this job,  i'm having to shave away all of my negative traits and prejudices so that i can work comfortably around people. i can't look down upon any particular race or socio-economic level because it will show through. nor can i really look down upon anybody anymore since i have this meekly, humble job. i can't be shy or talk quietly.. i have to be able to connect and communicate with customers. i can't be angry or depressed all the time because i have to be have decent rapport with customers. i can't be brain dead and just sit there like i did when i just surfed the net all day long. i have to keep my mind ON because i have to calculate change, be quick with scanning & bagging items, and communicate with customers. i can't be impatient because i have to take time with certain customers. i can't be headstrong and self centered and have my way all the time.. i have to give way to the customer and apologize where necessary.

i'm not there yet.. but i'm getting there.

you know, i think i had a really big head, for whatever reason in the past. i still kinda do. but, it's being tamed in a really good way. all these customers who are giving me shit are just making me into a more decent human being. they are giving me a chance to grow a heart. they are  giving me the opportunity to be humble enough to accept that i am not the only person on this planet that matters. in the end, i'm gonna look back at this as one of the crucial steps for me to find contentment in life. because not being able to adequately connect with people in this lifetime, isn't much of a fulfilling life at all.

everyone has their own life, own circumstances, their own way of living. this is just mine, at the moment.

my purpose in life.

all the shit i've been through in my life. i think i'm downgrading my goals. but, kinda in a good way. i'm letting some heavy weights off of my shoulders.  i no longer seek happiness or want to become super rich. i just want to be content. this means having enough money to support myself w/o relying on my parents. having a few good friends. having an internet connection. being cool with my family and having a girlfriend. and, being healthy. that's it man, i'm keeping this shit simple.

my costco run
i had a craving for the swirl yogurt so visited costco. right when i got out of my car i heard this loud shrieking sound and it was a chinese women cussing out her husband in chinese. omg. incredible volume, the taunting attitude and near physical violence was dispicable. if i learned anything is never to display such emotions in public. it's really a sign that you have no self control. jesus christ. i got my swirl and walked around costco while eating it. i was surprised at the relaxtion i have now in public. remember just a few years ago i was social anxiety and a bit agoraphobic. dude, now i'm a normal person just strolling around in costco. i've made so much progress. my efforts before target also helped, but i think target work has really pushed me to the next level of social relaxedness. fuck yea, dude. i love it. i bought some blueberry muffins, chocolate muffins and yellow lemon cake for my mom to sell at the store. i also picked up a book called, "YOU BEING BEAUTIFUL" although i am a guy, i think i have this natural tendancy towards looking good and beautiful. thus, i work out and try to make myself physically attractive. also, i noticed that when i scan for people now, i just look for sexy people. i look for sexy attire, sexy bodies and sexy energy. what has happened to me. i think i am turning into a sexual being. i guess suppressing it for so long to live a monkly life is now finally starting to thaw out. my asexual-ness is fading. this is a good thing. it feels good. in the line at the cashier, i was watching my book being scanned and i saw the dude about to slide it away from him. i thought, "shit, that's gonna scrape my book." dude, swiftly switches strategy and sets it on top of the lemon cake instead. what a smart considerate move. respect. that's a good cashier. when i was walking out of costco and heading towards my car. i saw the same chinese couple. this time in their car. the woman was going nuts on him still. this time... SHE VIOLENTLY GRABBED HIS HAIR AND PULLED HIS FACE TOWARDS HER AND WAS SCREAMING INTO HIS FACE. dude had no reaciton whatsoever. i wonder if he cheated on her. how can a person have that much rage and display it in public? i have never seen such a move, not even on gangster movies. dude, that women should be a director for a gangster movie, she  could come up with the best scenes. damn. asian women in their early 40's not to be fucked with.

ps: i am worth 300M at ffs now, and i have assets worth 1B. all play money, i know. but it's fun. people leave comments  that it is the best collection of girls they have ever seen. i must agree with them. check it out ...   try playing it too. they are removing the 2B cap and replacing it with a new system. so no limit to how high you can go.

pss: i was watching cnbc today and they said that 93% of communication is non-verbal. wow.

this is my favorite song right now...

just a little shift in perspective can mean the difference between total anxiety and utter relaxation. damn. so, i realized yesterday that i needed to straighten my posture again. but, i didn't want to give off alpha energy that scared the people around me. my solution was to see my posture straightening and chest out-ness as allowing my heart to have more space. more space to pump more blood and do it's job. when you slouch, you are shutting off a part of your heart because it's cramped and not able to work freely. when i looked at it like this, i was able to have better posture than ever. and, it feels really good to feel my heart having lots of space. posture is better than ever. and, if anyone has any alpha beef with my straight posture, that's their problem, i'm only trying to keep my heart open and healthy.

today's theme was "old people." i can't force my speed score pace on them. i gotta slow down to their pace and let them have their way. everyone else sorta goes along with my pace smoothly without much difficulty. but old people, they actually take offense to the speed i am silently requesting. my score for today was 95%  i must have apologized to atleast 3 people today although i was not in the wrong. saying sorry works wonders even on the most hard headed people with no clue. saying sorry although i am right, is a skill that i learned recently. also, i learned that the people who are most confident and sure of themselves are usually the most wrong. they are layering confidence and authority over their stupidity to keep themselves warm. also, i am starting to realize you can't really hide anything from anyone. it all comes out, it is all being seen. so, it's better to admit and correct rather than hide and continue, wrongfully thinking it's ok because noone is watching. everyone is watching, and all is being seen.