September 12, 2008

  • notes.

    1. i am able to face reality much better now. i still flinch a lot but it's less than before.
    2. the really good book that i had bought is called, "feel the fear, do it anyways."i recommend this book for anyone who needs to grow some balls.
    3. the healthier i am, the more i need to work on the "friendly" affirmation. this is because when i am healthiest, i become most ruthless.
    4. i don't think the person who scammed me will be able to pay me back. how da hell is he gonna raise over 1 million dollars in 7 years. i mean, it's possible, but is very a tall order to fill.
    5. i tore up my hands again yesterday on rings. it has been an year and a half since i did this. i am flying again.
    6. today at work i am going to emphasize, "friendly"
    7. my work schedule got shifted. it's a good thing. all my days start at 10am or later now. i complained that working in the frozen section got me sicked. so now they don't need me to come in at 8am anymore. i really did get sick from working in the freezer, so it's a valid reason. i tried my best to do the job. but my body couldn't take it.
    8. my 23" samsung monitor broke. it started flickering constantly. i only got it an year ago too. disappointed, back on my 19" sony CRT.
    9. i need to learn to trust my heart & mind and follow my beliefs & values. i get swayed by external forces too easily. the way i am now, there is no self, or very little of it. just something being influenced constantly by new things that come by.
    10. don't force people to do things or force them into my pace. respect people's pace, thoughts, feelings, & energy. just because it is very different from yours doesn't make it something to attack. you can just remain separate,  co-exist without becoming it & just respectfully observe and wait. 
    11. lately i get the most pleasure out of 1. looking at beautiful women 2. kids playing around 3. good smells. 4. watching my lifting progress. 5. feeling the fear, doing it anyways.